Odd Ads

A while back I Twittered a link to the following "news" article that came from Sarah Palin's former employer. It was odd in many ways, I'm not going to go into how scripturally and historically off the writer is, and I'm not going to attack him because he's obviously never read the bible through and through.

What I was mainly weirded out by was the ADVERTISING on the page... including the Google Ads" in the box. Enbiggen the pic to see.

(By the way, I took the "Is your husband gay" quiz and not only did I find it HIGHLY offensive, but I also came out "Straight as an Arrow". )

Gay Marriage is also a Woman's Rights Issue

It has bothered me that a lot more woman are not standing up for gay marriage these days (I'm looking at you Miz Cali). Gay marriage also seems to be a women rights issue as well.

Most religions will preach that a man and woman are both needed in a marriage to raise children because the man has a certain role and the woman has a different roll. It says so in the bible. However, marriage as it stands is not a Christian institution... and the bible's description of marriage is quite irrelevant. Whether it was Mesopotamia 500 years before Moses was born or whether it’s the atheist living in Kenya today – biblical marriage is not a factor, but the idea of a man and a woman joining together for a life-long union is still exactly the same as the fundamentalist in Kansas slipping into her white gown (even though she shouldn't technically be wearing white).

Through the centuries, most civilizations considered women as lesser… and these lesser beings were needed to teach the lesser offspring how to be good mates and housekeepers to their superior male counterparts who will spend the day going off and doing man things. This was marriage around the world... and women were allowed to grow and be happy… just not as happy as the men. Men had access to events, social clubs, and courtesans... women were to clean house and sit around for gossip and tea.

Not all civilizations were like that. The Egyptians thought of women as equal, for example. The bible (and the time around it) wanted to alienate the idea of places like Egypt, and brought the common perception of women to another level – woman as property. The idea of a dowry, multiple wives, concubines, etc. were all ways to make a man “richer” in the eyes of his fellow men in the community.

As the Christian religion progresses, women were thought of less as property, but still considered “the weaker vessel” and were to “remain silent in the church.” When we look at those words, many of us become appalled. But that archaic idea that men and women are unequal has trickled down into our gay marriage battle we have going on today.

It wasn’t until recent history that the ideas of an advanced, thinking nation would allow women to vote, hold jobs, have a say in the political arena, and not be beaten every time they do something the husband doesn’t like. Only 100 years ago in our own country the law was that a woman could not be beaten with any stick thicker than the husband’s thumb. And now we have socially progress to the point where beating your wife is considered criminal. The more forward thinking you are, the more credit you give women. Among most gay males, there is an instant belief that women are completely equal to men.

Talking to strong Christian women about their “role” in society, the church, or marriage is like talking to a woman in a small town in Pakistan and telling her that the full body burqa demeans her as a woman and as a human being. The same question mark appears over the head as if to say, “What are you talking about? It's what God wants. I’m happy like this.” And maybe they are. It is certainly their right to use the church as protection and a covering… and I’m sure there is a measure of pride at the pseudo-laws that “protect” them as women. They are fulfilling their role.

When you see a woman as a complete equal to a man, you begin to discover the “roles” that are assigned to them are completely bogus… or at least we as society have evolved to the point where such necessary roles have become bogus. There are too many single dads that have adapted to play “mom and dad” and there are way too many single moms who have raised their children successfully… and with overwhelming joy to ever think that one gender has any mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual advantage over the other in raising children. The complete balance and understanding of the individual parent is what is at play, not their gender.

And yet the argument persists.

There is no doubt that many women find comfort in their religion, either covered in an ominous black burqa or in a slutty white bikini and high heels. And if that religion chooses not to recognize gay marriage, that is perfectly fine. I just hope that this religion doesn’t receive a check from our government on a yearly basis for faith-based programs. Religion is from the heart, and it's for the soul... as individuals. A community of like-minded thinkers can gather, and reject ideas such as homosexuality. What the community cannot do, however, is dictate civics for those that are not of the same mind.

With that all being said, the “roles” of a man and woman in a marriage are not really roles at all. It’s a spoon-fed perception. I, and many of my fellow brothers and sisters, do not fall under this. The straight atheists of this country do not fall under this. Yet one group is allowed to get married and the other is not.

All we really want is the same piece of paper our straight counterparts receive when they go to the courthouse. This isn’t biblical morality, this isn’t American tradition… it’s called civil respect. Whether we are beating a bush, breaking a glass, sipping from the same cup, exchanging rings, or simply staring into each other’s eyes reciting words of a poet… the concept universal, without religious interference, and is undoubtedly level regardless of the sex of the individuals.

I’m not sure why more women haven’t seen that fighting against gay marriage is the very battle that is keeping them in a “submissive” role, but I hope one day they will see the light. They are just like me, I am just like them. I’m waiting for that national “Ah ha!” moment that was reached many times in our nation’s history.

Equality. It shouldn’t be a privilege.

Electric Evolution

I haven't shared my artwork on here for a while.... I thought I might do that again. This was a commissioned piece from a friend who is a remarkable artist himself. He needed something to go along with his music... and this is what I came up with. I was going to call it "My Baby Died, it was Killed by a Pussy, and Reborn later as a Skeleton", but I decided to go with "Electric Evolution" instead since I feel that is what's being displayed.

This piece is somewhat of a test - everyone sees something different. Enjoy!

A Bag of Weed

I just HAD to share this:

First Splash 2009

The following contains nudity, indecent behavior, alcoholism, rampant shamelessness, and immoral displays of debauchery. Please enjoy!

I had never been to Splash at Lake Austin before this past weekend. I never really had a desire to go, if I may be frank. Part of the problem is that it takes place at Hippie Hollow, the nude “beach” that we have here. There are many people in the world that I don't want to see naked (and I will share some of them with you here...)

The other reason is that everyone with a boat has some wild sex story about people fucking during Splash, and most of the stories revolve around a half-passed out or drugged up bottom boy being fuck bareback by countless guys… most of whom were too old/ugly/whatever to ever be able to fuck a hot young guy on their own and justifying it the arrogantly with the “he knew what he was getting himself into” defense.

And here you have my own warped view of Splash as a vehicle to make casual date rape more acceptable. So when I was invited to go on the Beer Barge I was a little hesitant, to say the least, plus the weather report had announced that Armageddon will be starting in the early afternoon.

In all, I didn’t really have a good excuse this year, so I decided to stop being such a scared baby and say yes - but on two conditions: I’m not going in the water, and I’m not taking off my shirt.

The day started off early and beautiful (we won’t talk about how many hours of sleep I had) and off to the lake we went. It took us quite a while to get the barge loaded up with every sort of Absolut flavor we could (they sponsored the event, which was nice of them... although I practically gagged on the mango shit). Anyway, it was a lot of work hauling everything down from the truck.



The boat ride up there was practically silent as everyone from had been up from the night before working. We went through boat orientation, got the generator started, the DJ cranked it up, and we were well on our way.



Once we were parked, people started trickling down from the rocks, one by one, until the party barge was soon filled. The boys from Rusty Spurs got into their matching rusty-red Speedos.

After a long day of drinking and not eating, it was time to head back. The trip back was made more entertaining by two straight boys competing for gay attention as they tried to outdo each other.

(Your guess is as good as mine....)

Guess who won?

In all I had a great time. I still think that Splash could be a very dangerous place if people are not careful - as any fun time can be ruined by the unscrupulous users. But there was no drama on Sunday, there was no "incidents". The fire department wasn't called.

I wouldn't mind going back, but I would probably like to stay on the party barge, as they have to maintain some attempt at keeping things in order as they are representing businesses that can get in trouble and fined if things got too far out of hand. As it was, we were getting in trouble by throwing Jello-shots to the people on the shore (without checking ID first, and without picking up the discarded plastic containers). So because of the way things were handled, I was extremely comfortable with hanging out on the boat.

I thank my friend Dennis for the invite, and Jaime and Larry for allowing us to tag along. I am forever thankful to all of you and the Oil Can staff. Thank you, guys. I had a blast.

The rest of the photos I took can be found on my Picasa web album here.

Not a Big Leap

Eeyore's Birthday Party 2009

Well, once again it's time for Eeyore's Birthday party - a hippie celebration for all your drug-induced needs (all proceeds go to charity). The Eeyore of Liberty stood proudly once again over the crowd.


It's actually dubbed as a "family event" with games, races and such, so you will see a lot of children running about amongst the hula-hoops and drum circles. (Click on any picture to view full size or "embiggen".)

This is the start of the "smoking" area...

Costumes:

One of the most fun things about Eeyore's Birthday is that it's one of the three major costume events we have here in Austin (aside from Halloween and New Years Eve). So I thought I would share a few of the costumes I caught on camera:

(Yes, that's Mr. Twinky's cream-filled ass...)

(Of course, it's not an official Austin event until Leslie shows up!)

Boobies:
There is no Eeyore's without boobies. it's just not possible. So here are a collection (both male and female). Enjoy!









Random Hotness:
(I know after that last part you need something to balance out a bit. Well, here you go:)












And finally, I'm going to leave you with a few shots and a video of the late drum circle right before the party ended:

Worst Yet To Come

You know there is a serious problem when the Drudge Report lists an article that a shadowy group in Iraq has posted signs, named names, and is planning on attacking and killing all homosexuals and suspected homosexuals.

Go here for the link to the story on Yahoo.

There have been marches and vigils in California and New York, and I have listed all the information that I could at the end of the post "Jesus Was A Socialist Hippie Bum".

This is insane travesty happening in a country WE are paying for, gay and straight alike. In light of yesterday's events... again I ask, who really should be standing up and protesting here?

National Day of Hypocrisy **UPDATE**

Today was a day of pure, adulterated, and misguided hypocrisy. The absurdity cannot be properly exhumed from my brain… and my brain aches from the stupidity that has surrounded this day.


Social Irony:

The thousands of people, republican, protesters had their marches lead by people in full decadent costumes and powdered wigs. GAY!


Hypocrisy:

People protesting have used rhetoric such as "A lot of Americans just feel trapped right now… They elected the representatives, but representatives don't always vote the way they say they'll vote."

T H E I R A Q W A R. That should be enough right there. The amount of money spent by the Republican-lead Congress is so easily forgotten.

Dare I even mention one of the last times Bush was in front of Congress asking for billions more for the war (since the price of the war was slightly over Rumsfeld’s estimation) and the citizens as a whole said “NO MORE”? But instead of listening to the people, Congress wrote another blank check.

I personally would rather have my money spent on strengthening our own country than in a lost homo-hating country.


Irony:

Everyone keeps screaming “Change! Change!” when what we have right now is basically they exact opposite of the Bush tyranny. What they should be screaming is, "Change! But not too much because change scares me...".


Hypocrisy:

The purpose of the colonial costumes and the idea of the “Tea Party” was based off our founding settlers… and people dressed as the founding fathers parade around declaring how awful Obama is – trying to make socialism acceptable and turning his back on the Christian God that built this country.

Yes, I will fully admit that there were some of the founding fathers that had Christian backgrounds (Puritan, mainly), but there were also deists, atheists, agnostics, etc. There was also a strong Masonic influence (whether anyone will admit it or not). EVERYONE had their hand in the pot… no one group had more influence over the other.


Contradiction:

Everyone is protesting how taxes are going up when most of their taxes (mine included) have gone down. In fact, I’m getting more from my paycheck.


Local Hypocrisy:

Governor Rick Perry has announced that he is NOT accepting the Federal Government’s money by issuing this statement from his office:

"I believe that our federal government has become oppressive in its size, its intrusion into the lives of our citizens, and its interference with the affairs of our state. That is why I am here today to express my unwavering support for efforts all across our country to reaffirm the states’ rights affirmed by the Tenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. I believe that returning to the letter and spirit of the U.S. Constitution and its essential 10th Amendment will free our state from undue regulations, and ultimately strengthen our Union."

This is where my mind bogs down a little. Our local “big government” (the State of Texas) is saying that the big “big government” (Obamanation) has become an ‘oppressive intrusion into the lives of our citizens,’ so he, the Governor, is making a decision FOR US… without our consent or our input, and WITHOUT PUTTING IT TO A VOTE.

What would James Madison say?

And let’s talk about the money. Perry accepted some $17 billion dollars for the state of Texas… ALREADY. The above statement was for $555 million for unemployment benefits. That’s right, the larger brouhaha over the (much much) smaller amount of money. This will cost local businesses in the long run as they (small and large) will have to make up that money with increased taxes.

**UPDATE**
I was alerted by my boss this morning (the owner of a small business) that the tax increase to cover the money rejected by the Governor has already been implemented, as noted by a letter they received yesterday. Money they immediately had to pay out. I asked my boss (a strong Republican) which he would rather have: the whole nation paying for the Texas Workforce Commission's unemployment restructure/insurance... or have only the Texas businesses pay?

"I would rather have it spread out to the millions of taxpayers then the thousands of business owners. It just makes sense."

"SOCIALIST!" I yelled, laughing. He rolled his eyes. I know my boss is not happy with the situation. He's smiling more than usual.......
**END UPDATE**


Atrocious Hypocrisy:

The people who need to be protesting (and who were) are the gay rights activists. Everyone mentioned above (powdered wigs and all) have all their rights and freedoms. Nationally speaking, gay people, do not. If anyone should be dressing in wigs and throwing a tea party, it’s us. In recent history, it is appropriate to yell, “No taxation without representation!”

Out of everyone whining and complaining, acting like spoiled brats for a perceived oppression, there is a large section of Americans who are being treated as second class citizens. Yes, we pay our taxes. No, we cannot be treated to the basic civilities as our straight counterparts.

I was browsing through Joe.My.God, as I often do (because I love to wake up to a cup of Joe.My.God), and came across someone who can explain how religious freedom equals marriage equality far better (and faster) than I can.



So as you see people screaming for (different) “change”, or using big fear-based words they don’t understand like “socialism”, or who cower in worry about losing their freedoms (or their guns), please, feel free to bitch-slap them across the head and scream "wake up!"

And since I mentioned James Madison earlier, I will leave you with this:

"Who does not see that the same authority which can establish Christianity in exclusion of all other religions may establish, with the same ease, any particular sect of Christians in exclusion of all other sects? That the same authority which can force a citizen to contribute threepence only of his property for the support of any one establishment may force him to conform to any other establishment in all cases whatsoever?" - James Madison, A Memorial and Remonstrance Against Religious Assessments, June 20, 1785.

Jesus Was A Socialist Hippie Bum! (UPDATE)

Religion has gone too far. This is not new information, it’s been that way for centuries. Yes, I know that there are some Christian factions out there that do not promote violence and control, just like there are some Islamic groups which do not promote killing innocent people for an idealistic need to “cleanse” the world around them. I freely give allowance to those who have evolved as human beings to try and bridge the gap between religious belief and modern human rights. That is important to state before I go on.

I tend to think that the main problem takes place whenever religion starts to infect government. The Founding Fathers knew this. The religious persecution the first settlers of America were running from came because church and monarchy were two heads of the same beast. This meant that any religious belief that was considered “wrong” could take a path through the state and laws could be created to make anyone who thinks differently an outlaw.

It was from this faith-based control that our Founding Fathers wanted to protect the future children of this great country – and the wording of our constitution is so finely penned that it is impossible to find a gap allowing for our freedom, either religious or atheist, and basic human rights were going to be granted to all . Still, after a few centuries, religion has made its way into the structure of the government. The Founding Fathers would be appalled that the word “god” appears on our money. I’m not sure what the justification for such is. One of Satan’s temptations to Christ was offering Jesus control of all the kingdoms of the world – something Jesus wanted to have nothing to do with (Luke 4:5-8). In fact, Jesus was sure to say several times that his followers were “no part of the world” (John 17:4, 17:16, 18:36).

Yet in this “hippie” peace-loving message of a Kingdom that rises above and separate from the world’s governments that is taught in the New Testament has produced some of the greatest atrocities bled from the veins of the innocent and downtrodden. On the other side of the coin, we have the stronger-worded Quran… which does seem to promote as much violence as the bible.

The two major religions are butting heads even though they are remarkably similar and with the exact same beginning. Both condemn the other while hypocritically ignoring their own faults (Luke 6:41).

As a Christian, W. went into Iraq because it was a dictatorship and we needed to spread freedom. As a dictator, Saddam Hussein thought that the West was an arrogant business, and he wanted nothing more than to take a stand against America, Inc.

They are both right.

Dictatorships are always wrong. No one human being should ever have THAT much power of others. The entire concept is based off ego – special interest groups and minorities have no say. Rules and laws get passed and thrown into action without discussion or debate. There is no doubt about the evil of a dictatorship. It’s simplicity is the sharpening stone for it’s swift sword. Dictatorship works because fear-based motivation works.

One of the major complaints I hear when I travel overseas is that America isn’t a country anymore – it’s a corporation with a crucifix around its neck. It’s really not far from the truth and it baffles me on three levels. First, many Christians think that human beings were designed and created by God with a need for limitations and boundaries. Children need limitations and boundaries. We as adults need limitations and boundaries. But put limitations and boundaries on how much money a person can make and suddenly all hell breaks loose.

Second, it's contradictory to be a capitalist and a Christian. Paul never said ‘money is the root of all evil,’ what he said was that “the LOVE of money is the root of all evil” (1Tim. 6:10). What is capitalism but the love and pursuit of money? The more you have, the more you want to keep - and it's that desire to KEEP the money that makes it hard for a rich man to enter into the Kingdom of God (Matt. 19:24, Mark 10:25). Those that were capitalist-oriented were attacked by Jesus at the temple (Matthew 21:12). Paul also said that one of the signs of the last days would be an influx of people with money-oriented behavior (2Tim. 3:1-2).

Third (and this is a biggie), churches are socialist by nature. They don’t pay taxes, and they don’t pay money into the community. Anything and everything they pay for is discounted or free. All money they make (donations) are kept within their organization. Yet, they still require protection from the police or rescue from the fire department (both socialist concepts). They require roads and their maintenance to get to and from their facility. They send their children to school, use the postal system, etc. etc. etc. Socialism!

If Jesus was anything, he would be socialist, promoting the whole “hippie commune” thing. Actually, if we want to be perfectly honest, he was a bum who took from others throughout his preaching tour, ‘not having a place to rest his head’ and all (Matthew 8:20). He told his followers to take advantage of the nicety of others (Mark 6:8). He certainly had the “it takes a village” “let’s all share everything” mentality. Maybe he would be most comfortable here in America in the 1960's and early 70's... though I don’t think he would do acid. Maybe he would… who knows? Of course, if he were a REAL Christian, he would certainly be against the sacrilegious “Jesus Christ - Superstar” – and I’m not going to even touch "Godspell" (abomination!).

Here’s an interesting fact: I don’t like socialism. I think it promotes laziness. But I do think the answer is somewhere in the middle of socialism and capitalism. As humans in the modern age, we need a balance between the two. We should be allowed to be capitalists and gain monies from our own hard work. We shouldn’t slave away, only to give half of our earnings to someone else. At the same time, basic human needs should be a responsibility shared by all.

You see, there are different KINDS of people among us. Some of us cannot think like entrepreneurs. Some of us cannot live in ritualistic structure as the military. Some of us cannot live a life in mundane rote on an assembly line, slaving away for hours on end. Some of us cannot create beauty out of air or engineer a structure to house us against the elements of the planet…

But some of us can.

No one person can do all these things. Because of our differences, we can all come together as a group and work as a whole. Those that are capitalist can asses the situation of the community and provide goods to everyone. How do they achieve the production of these goods? They employ an engineer with a mathematical mind and a designer with an artistic mind and together they create a functional product. That product is mass produced by people who are happy to work on assembly line. Those goods are then presented to the public by people with an advertising mind and packaged with those with a merchandising mind. In return, everyone… from the janitor that cleans up the complex of the production plant to the executive that decided that the product would work better in olive green benefits from the process. All the while, researchers and developers are working away to find a way to make the product better for next year. All the while everyone is treated as equal human beings with equal opportunities to succeed in whatever makes them happy.

THAT is a hybrid collaboration. I think it works fine. This is also where the idea of “civics” come into play… and our children are not learning enough about civics and working together as a community – whether we are religious or not. As civilians we should be able to work side by side so that everyone can be happy, successful, and sustainable.

And that is where this utopia starts to break down – especially when the idea of morality comes into play. One thing that seems to unite everyone is the idea of homosexuality. In the Islam world, this is something that is considered immoral and illegal. In the Christian world, it is exactly the same (and yes, there are some Christian sects who allow for homosexuals).

As progressive Americans, we are slowly learning that regardless of religious beliefs, we cannot kill people because we don’t like how they were born. The Spartans did it, but we cannot. Yes, there are still parts of America where gays can be publicly beaten, where bashers are allowed to go free and without punishment – but we are getting better… we are progressing… slowly.

In the Middle East, there is not so much this progression. People are so dead set on “traditional values” that the idea of human decency has left them. Last year Iran, with the world watching, still put to death a young man for doing absolutely nothing… and the acceptable proclamation was that he was gay. The same is happening in Iraq… a country that we Americans are paying for. This is why my frustration with religion and faith are being called into this article.

Click here is a short film about my brothers and sisters living and dying in Iraq.

If you want to help or donate, please go to this website. It’s a organization that helps relocate those that are being persecuted by religious faith… similar to the way the founders of this country were sought after and persecuted. The answer is very similar in both cases: get the hell out of there! You can go back on the website for months/years and see their struggle – safe houses that have been attacked and closed, video of people who have been mocked and beaten… stories of those that have been disowned and killed.

While we are rightly celebrating the progress in Iowa, scowling at the ignorance of Vermont’s governor, healing from the pain of California and Florida, and hoping for the freedom of those that fight in our military… please take time to think about those us who caught in a country where standing apart from the norm is punishable by death. There are plenty of Christians in this country who would gladly take a gun and shoot the brains out of a fag. Their grip on this country is slowly fading.

Is this gruesome situation presented here is the end result of what happens when a country is run by religion? Is the modern Middle East somewhat similar to America in the 1600's? Could situations such as this be avoided with a stronger separation of Church and State?

My personal opinion is YES YES and YES... but my own personal views and frustrations are nothing when my brothers and sisters are being killed across the world.......

**UPDATE**

I will add this as my parting thought:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Twitterpated

Technology has gotten out of control and I think I’ve become it’s biggest bitch. I’m not on MySpace. I’m against this. It just reminds me of the old AOL profiles too much. Plus it’s creepy. And it makes social networking effortless and therefore meaningless. It's also creepy... did I mention that?

Anyway, I got the Facebook. I now have the Twitter. I got my friend Joey on it. He’s become Twitterpated with Twitter. I’m on Tagged. It’s totally like MySpace. But it’s not. So I’m on it. I have this blog. I text. I text a lot. Want to text me? I’ll text you back. Email me and I’ll give you my number. I’m a text whore.

I have six email accounts: one hotmail, two yahoo, three gmail. I also have a work email account, but that doesn't count. I’m on Skype, Yahoo Messenger, and AIM (MrTinkertrain6 on all). Gay.com, Adam4Adam, GayWatch… I check Joe.My.God, Queerty, Toweload, news updates from the Onion, CNN.com, The Huffington Post, New York Times, Spiegel, the Guardian, Super Hero Hype, Wired, BoingBoing, Engadget…

I spend all day hunched over a computer at work, trying to convince two structural engineers that my way is the best way… always. Then I come home to spend hours hunched over a computer to social network my way into lives of people who I will never meet and will never really care about.

And now, via my phone, I can send a text to Twitter. Twitter updates my Facebook. My blog checks Twitter. If I had MySpace, that would update too.

I met my James G on Tagged and now we're an item. I can’t really complain. I can talk with my friends in Chicago, Orlando, Australia and keep up to date with their goings on. I’m able to keep tabs on my mother without having to actually talk with her. That’s a plus.

At what point is it too much? I don’t know. Someone let me know and we’ll text about it.

The Friday Fire

This past Friday I went out with my friend, Big D. We had way too many drinks. I took a taxi out because I know this always happens when I’m out with Big D. That night I remember getting into a taxi to go home and then blank.

The next morning I woke up, naked, on my couch wrapped in my Elvis afghan (yes, I have an Elvis afghan… deal with it). The front window was cracked open. I felt pretty good. No big deal. Big D and I met Mike out, and he was having a birthday with his partner Tony. Very nice couple. We did shots.

I went into the kitchen to grab some orange juice. There was a pot of what should be chicken and rice on the stove, but it was all burnt to a crisp. Oh well. I took a shower and got to work because I had lots of drafting to do over the next two days.

I went through Saturday working… then watching movies. Sunday I worked a little… and watched more movies. I didn’t drink at all for the rest of the weekend. I didn’t cook either… I just ordered out (three times to be exact). Everything was fine and it was a nice relaxing weekend. While outside on Sunday I briefly saw Sherry, the apartment maintenance woman. Everything was quiet.

Then came Monday morning. The apartment manager, Teresa, was out putting notes on everyone’s door that we had switched over to A/C from heat. As I walked out the door to go to work that morning, I noticed another note on my door from my next door neighbor… the stereotypical epitome of “the cat lady”, Carol. I was confused, but I went back inside from and read the note. It said:

James,

I want to apologize to you for causing you any embarrassment. Let me explain.

Having been too close to fire several times in my life, smoke alarms terrify me. So when yours finally got through to me, I went into PTSD mode (I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Having no phone, and not being able to rouse you, I knocked on two doors before I managed to raise Sherry. She also did not understand my mental state.

Anyway, she came and opened your door and turned off the stove. I had called the fire department. She wanted me to cancel them, but I refused.

James, your nudity did not bother me. I assure you, it was nothing but skin to me. It meant nothing to me at all – I have seen way too many nude bodies, male and female, through my life. I wasn’t even aware of it – I was interested only in there being no fire, and that I wasn’t threatened. It has taken me two days to realize that you, Sherry, the fireman all wondered why I didn’t go away. I just couldn’t get to my apartment until I was absolutely sure.

Anyway, it took me a while, but I now realize my actions probably appeared very strange.

Don’t move and break your lease. Things happen. I should be moving in 3 or 4 months, I hope. I know you like it here, and I don’t want you to break a lease from embarrassment.

Everything is okay with me.

Carol (next door)

P.S. Nice tattoo!

Needless to say, I was speechless for the rest of the day.

So there you have it. Out of it all I was more upset that me and my naked ass was host to the Austin Fire Department… and I was passed out on the couch.

Oscar Review - Part 2

Milk should be required viewing for everyone - gay and straight. It was fantastic to see Sean Penn in something where he wasn’t angry and screaming all the time. James Franco has a cute ass. I just felt that I needed to say that.

Milk is the story of Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials in the United States. He tries and fails several times, but once James is out of the picture, he finally succeeds. This goes to prove my point: James Franco is just too damn distracting in every movie.

Sean Penn was fantastic even though he’s going to lose the best actor Oscar to Mickey Rourke – not because he was out acted, but because Hollywood loves comeback stories… and Rourke’s dog Loki just died and we cannot underestimate the power of the sympathy vote. (And don't tell me that Loki went to "doggie heaven" because we all know that Jesus Christ did not die for the animal kingdom's sins... although the argument can be given if animals cannot sin.........)

ANYWAY....

This was a fantastic movie. I do shed a small tear every time I’ve watched it although I believe that Milk’s move near the end of the movie towards White was really a dickish move and… well… he should have seen SOME response come from gun-toting family man – but we won’t go down that road right now.

Milk will not, nor should it win best picture. It is well crafted, but it’s not the best crafted movie on the list. Maybe the Academy will feel guilty over the Prop 8 debacle and send a message out to the world, maybe they are still hung up about the Brokeback incident a few years back, a reminder since one of the barebackers who starred in the movie died and is nominated this year. The combination could cause an upset, and if it does win, it will fall into the hands of political bias. It will be yet another example where the Oscars are simply a popularity contest and not a true gauge as to who the best really is.

Still, go see this movie! Support this movie. Take your friends. Discuss over cocktails.


So, I felt that The Reader was a creepier movie then the Benjamin Button. Don't get me wrong, it was astonishingly good. In fact, I think on the list of best crafted movies this year, it comes in at number 2 under the Benjamin Button. Set in Germany in the 1950s, it’s about a woman who fucks an 15 year old and then leaves. Later, the 15 year old grows up and enters college to become a lawyer and attends a trial where the woman is accused of atrocities against Jewish prisoners.

I liked this movie. It was awesome. It shows the complexities of how different people in different times looked at the horrors of the Holocaust in different ways. I guess it’s like having that old racist grandpa who doesn’t think he’s racist, he’s only racist by today’s standards…. it’s kind of like that, but with genocide and a naked twink boy.

Now, Kate Winslet is nominated in this movie – and there is a damn good reason for it. I heard that she was trying to get nominated for Revolutionary Road (a.k.a Where are our Children?), but that was a film that I liked the first time I saw it when it was called The Hours. Plus, Revolutionary Road was a drama-by-numbers piece that will live on in eternity as a high school duet acting completion staple script right along side Neil Simon's "Prisoner of Second Avenue." The Reader, by far contrast, showed Kate in a remarkable light. She was tough, brazen, outspoken, and embodied the persona of the character over the course of many decades. To see her transform physically was amazing enough, but she carried it through in her performance. I cannot say enough nice things about her.

Even her boobs looked fantastic. Jessica Simpson take note… THIS is how you carry the weight, dammit.

Yes, it’s depressing, but I didn’t want to slit my writs like I did after seeing Doubt. It was just a really great film. I don’t think it’s going to get all the recognition that it deserves because it will be flooded out by the popular cool kids smoking the hookah behind the dumpster, but it’s received some recognition… and that’s a good thing.

TITS!


Slumdog Millionaire is my second favorite movie of the year (sorry, Tropic Thunder took my number one spot - it was just too damn funny). This is a fantastic story. Everyone should see it. It’s so fucking sweet and charming it’s nauseating. Yet there is enough violence and bloodshed to keep it from being a total chick flick. Striking the perfect balance between the two should be enough to win it’s own Oscar.

It is a story about a young man who is after a girl, and he goes on India’s version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" to find her because he knows she watches the show. The entire movie is told in flashback pieces of his journey to that point. What happens next? The End Credits which are ridiculously cute.

What makes this movie a winner? Several things. First, it is superbly acted by people we haven’t seen before. Hollywood LOVES that shit. Second, the girl in the movie is freaking gorgeous. The audience is only introduced to her through the main character’s eyes and thus we long to see more of her as he does. Third, we can’t pronounce, remember, or spell any of the main character’s names… and that mean “exotic” and Hollywood loves “exotic”. They give awards to “exotic”. They give roles in the next Batman movie to the “exotic”.

Now, I don’t want to class this movie as “Bollywood”. It was directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting). Yes, it’s set in Mumbai (“Bombay” to those of you who speak Bush) and has a full Indian cast, but the movie is a vision of an Englishman (Scotsman with an English crew, actually)… but that's just a personal opinion.

The movie grips you from the start, takes you in, and by the end of the movie you are cheering for the main character along with the rest of India. The movie has a remarkable emotional effect on its viewer.

On a side note… I don’t know if any woman (or man, for that matter) is worth going through all the shit the main character has to go through. Maybe someone is, but I haven’t found them… and I’m just putting that out there to anyone I might date in the future.

So this is most likely the winner. Although the Benjamin Button is a better crafted movie, The Reader was a more emotionally thought-provoking movie, and Tropic Thunder was a funnier movie… Slumdog Millionaire has the whole package. The like-ablity of this film is off the charts, and it transcends age, sex, and economic status.

Okay, that’s it. Hope everyone enjoys the Oscars! I will be missing it because I’ll be flying back from a trip that evening. I will be watching it later that evening and the next morning. Have a great week and weekend!

Oscar Review - Part 1

It’s Oscar time again, and it’s time for my reviews. Overall, I think 2008 was a great year for film. There were a lot of thought pieces, a lot of action, the James Bond atrocity, and somehow a story about a caped crusader and a psychopathic killer made it’s way onto the Oscar map with eight nominations.

But I’m going to start with the Benjamin Button.

I felt very harshly going into The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. This is a story where a baby is born as an old man, and slowly grows younger while everyone else he knows grows older. And there is a clockmaker with a backwards clock, but I’m not sure what the point of that was. Also, New Orleans still needs to be rebuilt after hurricane Katrina. Thank you Brad Pitt.

I have to say that I thought it was a stupid premise based off a moronic short story. It was just too weird, quite frankly. Still, despite my objections, somehow I was immediately taken a hold of me sucked into this extraordinary, beautiful film. It was exceptionally made, well crafted, and somehow they took this incredibly awkward story and made it work.

The beauty is not only set in the cinematography, but the script's remarkably crafted words. Visually, you don’t really know where real life ends and the computer graphics begin. The trickery works because the actors made it work. I remember texting my friend after the movie with only one word: “epic”. And it is. So I think this movie has a well deserved spot on the list, and it is a well crafted movie despite it's Forrest Gump feel. It is a major contender and possible win.

Like I said, it was well acted on all counts: Taraji, Cate, Brad made an excellent combo. I just can’t think of a more perfect, traditionally moving film this year. The cons: Brad Pitts lips are sexy at any age and I found them very distracting. Also, the computer enhanced Benjamin at 20 was, for lack of a better description….a bit creepy. Seriously…. It was unsettling. I kind of wanted Benjamin to be hit by a bus or something, you know, so we didn’t have to go through the progression of dealing with a dead baby, but oh well, creative license can only go so far. I love this movie, I feel bad for going in with such a bad attitude about it, and it is worth seeing and worth winning.

Frost/Nixon was next on my list. This was a powerful film, mainly because of the connection to our modern day and the exiting Bush administration. I wouldn’t call this Ron Howard’s best film, but I would certainly call it the clearest mirror he has ever held up to our government and society.

The story centers around an English television interviewer (journalist, if you must) David Frost and his 1977 televised interviews with resigned president and pariah Richard Nixon staring that guy who played Tony Blair in The Queen (I don’t know his name either) and Frank Langella (Skeletor from Masters of the Universe… no? Jaro Essa from “Deep Space Nine”… no? Perry White, editor of the Daily Planet in Superman Returns? Okay, we’ll go with that).

So Frank nailed this gig and knocked the Nixon character (and he was a character) out of the park and really make him relatable and understandable without delving into the realm of caricature - all the while keeping Nixon's delusion in play. The story keeps pace, the directing is tight and the shots are allowed to develop in front of your eyes, keeping the interest of your emotion and mind tickled all the way to the very end.

This is certainly on my top ten list of the year. It was gripping and moving, riveting and interesting. I’m almost positive there might be some historical inaccuracies in place, I couldn’t tell what they are. Kevin Bacon looks good in uniform. Oliver Platt wasn’t annoying. I can’t say enough good things about the tension between Frank Langella and whats-his-name. Amazing.

Unfortunately, this movie will not win. Had this movie been made a few years ago (I’m think that one year when Beauty and the Beast was up for best picture), this would have won Best Picture easily. But I just don’t really see it this year. It is well worth the view. Please support this film. See it lots, and apply it all to W.

*Update for Previous Post*

And yes... I forgot to mention that Dick Cheney was in a wheel chair due to the fact that he threw his back out while attempting to retrieve a puppy he was trying to eat when the puppy inexplicably decided to fight back. Fortunately, the small child Cheney was going to consume for dessert broke free from his shackles and saved both himself, and the newborn canine.

Details of the incident are sketchy, but at least Cheney was able to make an appearance at the inauguration, though now he had a plausible excuse for NOT STANDING for any part of the ceremony in silent, albeit douchebagery protest.